The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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