she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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