bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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