Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
