I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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