pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
