I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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