We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
