Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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