wanna go halves on a baby?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
