I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
