I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
