Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
