She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
