Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
