your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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