He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
