I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
