Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
