Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
