I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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