I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
