Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
