When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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