if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
