I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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