Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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