he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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