its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
