nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
