so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
