This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
