Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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