We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
