I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
