No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
