I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
