my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
