Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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