I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
