so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
