I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
