That's when you crack a 10am beer
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
