What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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