How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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