whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
