I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
