So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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