i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
