So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
