He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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