Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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