..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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