Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
