my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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