i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
