At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to cum in my sink.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
