I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Randomize
