Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's never too late to be topless.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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