i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
