They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
