i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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