im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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