And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
