No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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