and she was petting her beer can
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
