I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize