I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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