puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
