He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
