you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
