I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
