Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
